“Don’t die without doing this”

6 Ways to Confront Back To School Stress

By: Nichomi Higgins, LMFT The SolPowered Coach 

So I think we can all agree that 2020 has been a doozy. Covid - 19, the movement to end racial injustice, an upcoming Presidential election and this new normal that is social distancing and sheltering in place has forced parents around the world to up our parenting game…and it’s only July.  Crap, it’s July! 

Back to school season is among us and whether your kiddos are going to be sitting in an actual class room or sitting in your living room, you’re probably wondering how you are going to get through and that may be activating a whole lot of stress. 

As a Lic. Marriage & Family Therapist, mother of two amazing kids under 12, wife to an entrepreneur and small business owner myself. I have been trying to wrap my brain around this new school year since May. Actually I have been trying to figure out, how I am going to keep stress from hi-jacking my sanity! 

Let’s face it, we can’t avoid it. Stress is a feeling of emotional or physical tension. It can come from any event or thought that makes you feel frustrated, angry, or nervous. When left unchecked good ole’ stress can contribute to many health problems, such as high blood pressure, chronic headaches, over eating, lowered libido, diabetes, etc. It can also impact your mental health. Poorly managed stress, can impact sleep hygiene and amplify symptoms of depression and anxiety, etc. 

But despite the extreme effects of poorly managed stress, it is important to remind ourselves, that while we can’t avoid stress, we can certainly manage how we respond to it!  So, I’ve come up with a few tips to help with just that!

Yes, this whole situation sucks; but it’s our reality and perspective is everything! How we perceive a problem and the language we use to describe it will greatly impact our ability to move through it. In other words, if you’re going into this new season declaring that it will kick your butt…It will kick your butt! So, here are a few suggestions to keep your mind right:

• Remind yourself from time to time that you are not alone. Fortunately, we are in this together. Parents across the country are having to figure this out one step and day at a time. If that little voice within once to convince you otherwise fight back. Join a virtual parent support group or create your own. All you’ll need is 1.5 hours a week and a solid zoom account. 
• Practice gratitude daily. A great way to do this is to purchase a big jar or pull out a large bowl and every day you and your kiddos can write down on a strip of paper one thing that you are grateful for. Drop it into the bowl or container and read them as a family during New Year’s Eve! Or just when you’re feeling a bit stressed. 
• Focus on what you can control and not on the other stuff. There is a lot that is out of control; but there is even more in our control. Take some time out of your day to reflect on what that is. 
• Focus on one thing at a time. I remind my clients (and myself) every day that we have the power to create certainty even if the larger picture feels a little unclear. In order to achieve this task, we have to be willing to break the picture down into small digestible pieces. Trying to tackle everything at once is a sure-fire way to activate that anxious mind. 
• Start each day with a prayer, intention and an affirmation.  Even if it is as simple as “I will do my best and give G-d the rest”. Remember to start each day anchoring yourself in something greater.    

I want to encourage you to set aside one-hour at the beginning of the day and an hour at the end of the day to focus on you. Use your time to exercise, read, nap, watch tv or meditate. Staying connected with ourselves allows us to stay attuned to our needs. Stress has a way of wreaking havoc when we allow ourselves to become disconnected from non-other than ourselves. I have had to train my family to respect my boundaries here; but they do it so well now!

Fortunately, the tail end of the last school year has a lot of information to help us better plan for stress this year. Take a moment and consider what set you off last year? What are some things that you can better plan for? What are some things that you’d like to do differently?

Stress has a way of taking on a life and reality of its on when we isolate ourselves in our mind. Now is not the time to be super mom or dad. Now is the time to keep the lines of communication open. Here are some suggestions:

• Before school kicks off, call a family meeting. Give everyone a few minutes to share what they are looking forward to; but also, what they are worried about. Create space in this convo to also discuss stress and what it looks like for each member in the family. Finally download the “My unique instruction manual” and have each person complete. Post in the kitchen or somewhere visible. This is a great way to remind everyone how best to care for and support one another. 
• Sit down with your kiddo’s teacher at the beginning of the school-year and get on the same page about what realistic expectations should look like given the new learning environment, etc. 
• If the stress of it all seems to be a taking on a toll that is greatly impacting your ability to show up for your family and yourself, schedule an appointment with a therapist. Fortunately, the only pre-requisite for working with a therapist is your willingness to focus on you. 

One thing I have learned to allow in my home, is my husband’s way of doing things, lol! More often than not it isn’t how I would do it; but it’s his way and that is good enough! Sometimes our inflexibility can perpetuate the problem.  If your partner isn’t up to the task, allow yourself to enlist support from other folks that you trust. 

Here is the deal. Stress breeds on self-criticism. Try to minimize any need that you may have to compare yourself to other parents. Your parents want to feel loved, seen and heard. If you can check those boxes then you deserve a pat on the back.

These are a few tips to get you moving in the right direction and I am sure I’ll have so much more to come. If you have a specific topic, you’d like me to shed some light on, feel free to leave us a note.  In the meantime, stay healthy and rooted in gratitude.